Transition.

Transitioning from university to adult life is so scary- I was blindsided as to how much it would affect me. I became very depressed and withdrew from everyone- I was like a robot for months. It all came to a head when my old housemate told me that there was no space in the house for me to stay for her birthday celebrations and I cried uncontrollably feeling worthless…and for the first time ever I had a suicidal thought. It was a flash of a thought for a millisecond but I came to and realised that I could never do that to my family…it scared the shit out of me. I cried again until I slept.

I woke up the next day vowing that I cannot feel that down again as that is too dangerous. I spoke to my mother and she told me what I didn’t realise because I’ve been like this for too many years- I’m so hard on myself that it’s unhealthy. I need to take the next step in life and go full out and enjoy being young. Go on dates. Be social. Eat well. Travel. Exercise. Read. Draw. Paint. Write (including finishing my dissertation). Do job applications. Live life. I need to surround myself in positivity. Most of all, relax, breathe and exhale- being an anxious person this is gonna be hard but I’m really going to try.